For the average nineteen year olds in a dating relationship, they are not thinking about being engaged or even married, they are just nineteen and dating and having fun.  (The caveat to that statement is that the female is always thinking about getting engaged and having a wedding, but not super seriously planning at 19.)  Further, they are definitely not thinking about life after said engagement and marriage.  They are probably not thinking about employment, mortgages, pets, car payments, taxes, life insurance, any insurance, and probably, especially not, children.

When Charles and I began dating in 2005, at the age of nineteen, we were definitely not thinking about any of the aforementioned things.  We were nineteen and having fun and dating.  A few pictures of us circa 2005 are included for your enjoyment.

Little did we know, our decision to date in the summer of 2005, July 31 to be exact, would lead to further decisions, like becoming engaged to be married.  Over the past few years, at the wise-old-age of my late twenties, I have come to realize that the more decisions that you make in your life such as choosing to be engaged, voluntarily getting married, deciding to buy a home, purchasing a pet (or two, in our case), having a baby, etc., come with big responsibilities.  You don’t really realize what exactly you are signing up for with these binding agreements.  In my case, I thought that through the bonds of marriage I was agreeing to love my husband in spite of how loudly he chews his gum or how many times a day he goes to the bathroom or his love for the New England Patriots.  I certainly did not think (seriously) about the “For Better or Worse” clause that is included in so many marriage services.  When we got married at the age of 23, I was not concerned of how my husband would act as a parent to our two dogs or how he would deal with the stress of home buying/owning or how he would walk through a journey of infertility and certainly not how he would be there for me during the pregnancy and birth of a terminally ill child.

Guys, I picked a winner.  Seriously.

And thank God because that “For Better or Worse” thing is completely real.  Everyone “knows” their world can be turned upside down in a matter of minutes, seconds even, and when it was for us, I’m glad I had my husband by my side.  It was easy for me to know and love this guy during the good times, but what would it be like during the bad?  From the minute we knew something may potentially be wrong, Charles took complete control of the situation for me so that I didn’t have to do anything — I didn’t have to deal with phone calls or questions or stressors — he took it all on for me.  That was exactly what I needed.  I’m not sure if I knew that I needed it at the time or not, but Charles did.  He was loving me at my worst, and probably at his worst too, but you could never tell.  It was all about me and what I needed.  It was never about him or what he needed.  This continued throughout the entire pregnancy and amplified once AJ passed.  When I was feeling overwhelmed with decisions or questions or people, Charles stepped in and took it all away from me.  My husband, who is a quiet, kind and mild-mannered (to name just a few traits) guy, definitely went out of his comfort zone for ME during our “worse”.

Truthfully, I never really had a doubt in my mind that my husband and I would be even better together during challenging times than during happy ones.  But I certainly thank God everyday that even though this married couple at 23 years old were not thinking further down the road except where our next vacation was or what sporting event we were going to next or what wine we would have with dinner, He was.  So here’s to my husband, and to all of the married couples out there, who may have to go through their worst to further understand that they truly have the best.